Sunday, July 08, 2007
.:. The Bitch Day Starts With .:.
Stop with all the questions.... Stop askin me when's my turn. Stop askin me what happened. Just concentrate on the ones gettin married at the moment. Pretend u didn't see me. I'm fed up answering the questions, sick of making up excuses to run when the subject's brought up. I'm single, it's complicated, I'm not looking, I'm just...waiting. So please, spare me the agony, just leave me alone.
Kalau terpingin sangat nak makan nasi minyak, korang sumer pegi la kawin lagi, jangan kacau aku..
.:. The Bitch day Ends .:.
8:56 AM
Tuesday, July 03, 2007
.:. The Bitch Day Starts With .:.
Love, without expecting any return, any glimmer of reconcilation, any sign that she still cares... That's what i have to live with I guess. I'll keep on doing it, what I think is right, what I want to do. I'm not hurting her right? She doesn't even know i'm there. But I am. Sometimes when it gets unbearable, yes, I'd leave, but that doesn't mean I stopped loving her. Far from it. But yes, I don't expect anything in return, I just harbour my own stupid and most probably useless hopes. HOPE. That's the only thing I'm left with. Regret left me long ago, coz I know my own decisions brought me here, to who n where I am now. Regret won't help me now.
.:. The Bitch day Ends .:.
9:28 PM
Sunday, January 21, 2007
.:. The Bitch Day Starts With .:.
When your times are filled with troubles
Sadness, grief, or even doubt,
When all those things you planned on
Just aren't turning out.
Just turn and look behind you
From the place at which you stand,
And look for me through the shadows
And reach out for my hand.
I will lift from you your burden
And cry for you your tears,
Bear the pain of all your sorrows
Though it may be for a thousand years.
For in the end I would be happy
To have helped you start anew,
It's a small price to pay
For the gift of knowing you.
.:. The Bitch day Ends .:.
1:47 AM
Thursday, January 18, 2007
.:. The Bitch Day Starts With .:.
I'm an idiot.
I am.
I know.
U don't have to say it.
I just wish someone would just kick my ass when they see me outside. Taunt me. Beat me up. Without any significant reason in doing so.
Wake me up.
Jolt me away from it all.
Staying sober hurts.
It does.
The memories.
Too damn painful.
But they were real.
so I'll never let go.
NEVER
" As a life partner, no. But maybe as a toy-boy..."
Maybe that was it.
Maybe I always was...
Hate me for loving u.
I can't help it.
.:. The Bitch day Ends .:.
10:25 AM
Saturday, January 13, 2007
.:. The Bitch Day Starts With .:.
Why does the feeling of emptiness overwhelm me? In the train, at work, everywhere I go... I can't stop thinkin of u... I don't know if u think about me too, but I have this strange feeling that u do... This blog is considered dead to every1 who ever read it, n maybe its the same for u too... Maybe u won't ever read what i have to say, but what's the point even if u do right? U said if we're fated to be together, we will be no matter what. But u just don't wanna give us a chance. Turning me into a stranger... Turning me into someone u're just gonna learn to hate someday, if u don't already do... Being persistent was never my forte, but I'm tryin my best now, even if i'm goin about it blindly, not realie knowing what to do...
I'm killing myself everyday...
Just watching you every morning going to work, I feel like it's a brighter day everytime, but having to watch u leave me everyday is killing me as well... so near but yet, so far... I look forward to goin to ur area every morning, but the trip back to my place seems so distant, so unwelcoming... I'm glad when it rains, coz it hides the tears i shed, cycling my way home slowly... What a nightmare of a life I'm living... A house full of people, but still empty... Surrounded by friends everyday, but still alone... Living, breathing, but also dead, lifeless...
It wasn't love at first sight, far from it... Why did u turn from someone I couldn't care less about to someone I now can't live without? Why did u fall for this bitchy guy & made him fall head over heels in love wit u? Why did u come along & become a part of his family? What is it about u that makes u seem so much more a part of my family than I ever was? Why are u the 1st person they think of inviting everywhere? It's like, I'm an outsider, but u are family... And u know what, I love it that way... I love to just sit back & watch u, mingling with them, my family. No... OUR family... U will always be a part of my family...ALWAYS.
He convinced u to give him a chance. I tried my best, but it's not that u couldn't, u just didn't want to give me that chance... U still keep my messages, so u must still think of me... Remember me however way u want to, as the biggest prick u know, as the biggest fool u know, but also remember me as the one who loved u so much, he died everyday he lived...
Resurrect me
Won't u please?
.:. The Bitch day Ends .:.
2:42 AM
Friday, January 12, 2007
.:. The Bitch Day Starts With .:.
How do I tell her how much I missed her?
How much I still am?
How I love lookin at our pics?
exclusivelyours...
How i deleted her sms tellin me abt her other blog...
How I cried reading her posts...
If i could just remember tat name...
I just wana read it & cry, again...
To just hate myself...
To just die reading it...
I LOVE YOU SWEETHEART...
Always have, always will...
I would give anything to have u back,
But I'd also give my life for u to be happy...
To just hold ur hands again...
Oh, what I'd give for that...
.:. The Bitch day Ends .:.
5:02 PM
.:. The Bitch Day Starts With .:.
They say it'll take time, I'll get over it...
Everything will work itself out they say...
It happens to everyone, they say...
Well, I used to say that too. To everyone who comes up to me, tellin me their problems. They who are always expecting me to give them the encouragement they needed at that point of time. To help find a solution. Mr Know-It-All...ME. I'm their Mr 'Dear Diary...' Their pillar of strength. Or sumtimes, I'm juz the guy who'll make them feel better, just sittin there wit em, listening... At the end of it, I'm the best fren they have. Their HERO...
Now where's mine?
Where's my hero to help me?
Don't keep repeating what i used to say... Don't try motivating me usin MY words... I'm disgusted by my own words... I'm disgusted at myself... I'm glad I helped, but don't remind me please, coz it just hurts me more... It takes time to heal... It will heal... We have the capacity to get through anything if we put our mind to it...
But I don't want to heal...
I don't want to get over it...
I don't want to forget...
I have the capacity, I just DON'T want to do it...
Leave me miserable, I'd take it...
It's better than healing...
Feels I'm closer to her...
God, will U be my hero?
My Prayer...
Forgive my sins & the sins of my family, my friends & every1 of us on this Earth u built for us. Keep us as distant as U can from the ravaging fires of Hell that u created. Shelter us fom the sufferings & disasters of the world. Give us strength to ignore the voices of SATAN. For all that U have given us, I thank U. I have not & will never be able to thank U enough for everything U have blessed me with. But if what I have to ask from U is a sin, then forgive me please, because this is what I really hope U will grant. Please keep her happy, bless her with love, keep her safe from all the things that will hurt her & may she someday be put amongst YOUR most treasured & loved, the way she is amongst mine. If u have to take the happiness from my life to keep her happy, I'd gladly give up all of it. I beg u to bless her with all the good things in life, even if U have to leave me with nothing. Amin.
I Love Her...
I do...
.:. The Bitch day Ends .:.
3:16 AM
Tuesday, January 09, 2007
.:. The Bitch Day Starts With .:.
"My oh, my oh, my oh, my oh, My boo...
Started when we were younger you were mine,
My Boo...
Now another brother's takin over but it's still in your eyes...
My Boo...
Even though we used to argue it's all right...
I know we haven't seen each other in a while but you will ALWAYS be MY BOO..."
The song that made me go crazy for u... Can't believe that someday, I'd have to literally relate to it...
Here's a song that I wish had given us strength...
"Hold on,
If u feel like letting go...
Hold on,
It gets better than u'll know..."
But then again... U din noe... Maybe u never did noe how much I love u...
Will u come back someday? I don't know what I can do to make u... I can only pray that u'll WANT to...
.:. The Bitch day Ends .:.
2:18 AM
